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How to accept your relatives' refusal to evacuate? Question and answer with Oleg Pokalchuk

We are opening a new permanent column, "questions and answers," with a military psychologist, who is an expert in information and psychological operations and counterintelligence protection, Oleg Pokalchuk. He will answer one of our questions every day, and we will publish this answer on the website.

How to accept that your relatives do not want to evacuate from a dangerous place?

The question "To go or not?" should be decided within the family.

What are relatives? It is, to some extent, a formal biological connection. Some people are not biologically related but have a strong bond. And vice versa. In a stressful situation, the family archetype awakes. People remember that they have relatives; they have responsibilities to them. Any external advice would be inappropriate. It is the family who has to make this decision.

We can only talk about the general recommendations of the Armed Forces and the police. It is recommended that you leave if there is a high probability of being exposed to shooting. If you are not directly exposed to shooting, you should not rush anywhere because evacuation is also a serious injury; it is stressful. The person moves from one place to another, and there will also be a certain level of discomfort; there will be complaints: "Why did you bring me here?" But I repeat - the family should decide this.

Let me remind you of a general rule: you need to help only those who ask for help. And give exactly what they ask for.

You can't put pressure on others. People have their own will. They make their choices. Everyone manages their own lives. And those people who think they know better than others can only ask their relatives to go somewhere.

Think if you have enough competence to persuade others to evacuate. Competence includes understanding where you are moving people and what awaits them there. It's not about a bag of potatoes. It's about people’s lives. They need food, support, and medical treatment. They will continue to live there. Simply transporting is only half the work.

Suppose you know exactly what, where, and how; this is one thing. If you know approximately - then the result will also be approximate.

Everyone thinks that they will be able to go abroad from Western Ukraine. But Western countries also have their logistical capabilities. These are not apartments or hotels; these are refugee camps. We should not entertain the illusion that the West is such a boundless space, ready to accept refugees.

Let's remember what happened to the Syrian refugees. First - yes, and then - no. However, for obvious reasons, because it became clear that this was a large-scale provocation of Putin.

Yes, Poland has opened its arms and welcomes Ukrainians. And, by the way, many people went there from "frontline Lviv", as they joke, using connections. Although other Lviv residents hospitably receive and accommodate people instead.

The refugee has an illusion that he is moving to a happy place out of horror. But after a couple of days, it turns out to be a safe place - no shelling, no bombing, but there are other problems; you also need to survive. Maybe you will be placed in some barracks, and get some food rations. If you get rid of illusions about the life of a refugee, you will be successful. If you reckon on the preferences of the first wave, you won't. We do not know Europe's ability to accept migrants.

People are fleeing, and it is wrong to blame them. But we have to take into account the moment of future discomfort - both those who flee and those who want to transport them.

As for missile and bomb strikes, Western Ukraine is not a unique place in this regard. If the Russians are attacking hospitals, I see no reason why they should not attack customs and border crossings. There will be a caravan transporting something, and the Russians will see it as a military target. The probability is low, but a few days ago, there was a low probability that civilian targets would be attacked.

My appeal is not to create illusions. Yes, there is a higher level of security in Western Ukraine, but there is no absolute security.

People flee from danger. Instinctively during a storm, we want to hide under a tall tree. But we were taught in school that you can not hide under a tall tree during a storm. Such things will constantly happen during the war. We need to understand the nature of lightning, and correctly understand the nature of this phenomenon, disaster. A tall tree is actually panic and misconceptions about security that you created yourself. Official sources will tell you where it is safer and under what circumstances you need to move there.

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